Why do I often blog about the things that do not go so well in my life? Or about the ones that made me sad?
Firstly, because putting my tangled emotions into words helps me to come to terms with them. When I do not feel able to put what’s inside me into words, I use words to create images and thus grasp what can not easily be grasped. Sadness. Hope. Hopelessly hopeful thoughts. Love. Wanting something. Dreams. Being disappointed and lost. Hurting and being empty.
Secondly, because I personally tended to shove heartache and doubts and pain and everything I did not like to deal with aside, closed them time and again in a box and hid them behind huge walls. And thorns. Never to be found. And then the boxes grew in numbers, and knowing they existed weighed me down.
And these days and months I have kind of been opening them and opening myself up. So please forgive me that I often blog about sad things. I vow to stop creating new boxes and to just work off the old ones, bit by painful bit, until there is just empty space to be filled with dreams and beautiful sunflowers.
The good news is: i have already torn down the walls and fought my way through thorns.
The bad news is: what’s inside the boxes has hurt me more than that. (guess that!)
Thirdly, I am only just learning to deal with simple. I am only just learning to be able to fly without the weight. I am learning to be carefree and careless, to care less and spare more time for the beautiful things in life. To feel joy and enjoy the moment. To see the world as a wonder and every day as my personal gift to be dealt with exactly the way I want to. To ignore duties and do what I owe to myself.
And on top of all that, be patient with myself because change is soooooo slow 😉