What his games taught me

I am mad at myself
for dating you in the first place
for letting you kiss me and kissing you back
for seeing the actual you behind all your BS
despite all your BS and the few times I actually met you

I am mad at you
that you are changing your mind frequently
that you always come back to me and don’t let me go (and every time I hope)
that you’ve shown me how good you can be for me
only to treat me carelessly in the next minute

I am mad at us
for playing games in the virtual world
for hiding out behind these
for not being brave and honest enough
because we let this go to hell

And again
I am mad at me

for falling into old habits
because your actions screamed so loudly yet I chose to stay deaf ; because I did not see you in real life for weeks yet I chose to stay blind

Now I hear. Now I see. Now I am gone and am relieved. Now there is room for someone ready to act on his feelings. 🙂

***

A few days have passed since I wrote this. I am not mad anymore ;-), not at him nor at myself. He is who he is, and I am me, so what sense does it make? I can not change what happened, but instead have asked myself what I can learn from this?!

To all those that always believe; go on believing. I believe there is nothing wrong about a soft heart and a quiet attitude.

I feel it is important to remember though that it is the actions of the people we care about that show precisely how much they care about us, and to consider them. Not their words or feelings. What they do matters.

Author: carasmelody

daydreamer, hopelessly hopeful, I love the power of words, I love poems, words are soulfood

2 thoughts on “What his games taught me”

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