Reflection: actions

It is our choices, our actions that matter most. I used to not understand this.

I thought, ok, there are two people that see that somebody is suffering. One does not care and has a cold heart, one does care and feels sympathy. Neither one chooses to help.
Isn’t the one that was touched by seeing another person suffering different than the other one? Shouldn’t it matter what is inside, too?

Sure, they are different. The outcome is the same, though: neither acted, neither helped, nothing changed.
Of course, the caring one displays the potential to one day actually help if he follows his heart, but he’s not there yet.

When I started questioning my old ways and talked to a Coach, she said I should do one action each day that brings me closer to how I wanted me and my life to be and to what I wanted to do. That was my homework.

At first, I rolled my eyes, mentally, because this seemed so simple. One action a day, all right. However, once I started reflecting on my days in the eve before going to bed, as a ritual, I started to get it. On some days, I just went through the motions, did what had to be done. There was not much “me“ in the day, apart from doing the job I love (but that area has not been under reconstruction, metaphorically speaking).

It was hard to change little things, to pause and listen to what I felt I needed. A meditation on the train. Cancelling dinner plans and soaking in the hot tub alone. Wandering the grounds covered in snow instead of going to a colleague I did not feel like seeing that day. Daydreaming. Just letting the mind wander.

On some days, I go to bed and don’t have to consider if my actions that day have brought me closer to what I desire. I just know. On other nights, I go to bed and vow to do better the day after.

I guess if our actions always were in sync with what we feel inside, then we’d be lucky…