At a casual meeting in June with another bridesmaid, she said: you decide how close someone gets to you, they decide how close you can come to them.
Closeness is a value I appreciate a lot in my relationships, with friends, with family, with men. But I doubt there is a less complicated one, at least to my eye.
This may be due to the fact that closeness seems to make people expect more. More of my time, more information, more understanding. Often I found with closeness came a narrowness, that I could not breathe anymore, and this made me unhappy. Some close friendships felt like having a(nother) relationship so much time they demanded.
I have had some best friends in my life; girls that knew almost everything about me and, I guess, vice versa. Girls I talked to every day, met every weekend, told the latest news immediately. I noticed that falling outs with people that are very close to me are extremely painful and hard to mend; having suffered a few, I am wary of extremely close friendships nowadays.
In fact, though some have been mended, which I am grateful for, they have never been the same. Others are completely gone.
Additionally, I find this hard to deal with: the closer you are, the better you know a person and she/ he you, the more you see each others weaknesses, too. And to walk the line between letting him/her be and not judging when being so close is a challenge, one I often do not meet graciously, I am afraid. There is only so much that can be forgiven or remain unsaid in some friendships or relationships. I consider myself extremely lucky that I have people I am close to effortlessly, in a way.
So, to sum it up, I cherish relationships with people that offer being close to each other without putting pressure on me or making demands; that invite conversation about everything but can accept it if I do not want to open up (yet); that allow me to see my mistakes but at the same time allow me to feel okay about them because I know I am loved like this (and vice versa); that nudge me out of my comfort zone every once in a while without judging me for not doing it myself or not succeeding. Moreover I appreciate people in my life that are close to me but that I trust that they would never use this closeness in such a way that they’d deliberately hurt me.
Thanks 🙂 to all that belong in this category. Welcome to all that one day might. I can’t wait to meet you.