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aftermath #2

… or: I love my friends. πŸ™‚

However, this transferral did not give me the peace I desired. I thought business done and that would be it.

Unfortunately, I was angry at myself for choosing him as a flatmate in the first place. Furthermore I cursed myself for being helpful at the beginning of his stay, for trying to help him get used to Austria. For later on not being harder on him when he neglected his share of the housework. For a lot of things.

A friend who I shared this anger with told me I was being me with him as I was with others, and that that was all I could be. Thankfully, her insight gave me partial peace, at last. She was right. I was staying true to my rather kind self that sees the best in others. And that is a good thing, essentially. I felt much better.

Still, I still felt resentment bubbling inside me. I know it is impossible to change the past, yet I still found myself wondering. Had I indirectly told him he was right by giving him his whole deposit? Was I just too chicken to fight it out? I don’t need the 60 Euros. I have a job, a flat, my life. I am in a much better place than him, unemployed in Spain living at his parents’. Why did it still bother me?

I accepted that I might never know, and tried to shrug it off. It half-worked.

Real peace came unexpectedly thanks to another friend of mine who I talked to. Her rather dry humour suddenly released all the tension and resentment knotted inside me when I burst in laughter over her casual remark: β€œIt is like a donation of 60 Euro to the goddess peace.β€œ

It kind of is. πŸ™‚

I love how friendship makes things better! This picture of the goddess peace in my mind makes me smile broadly, so there is no room for regrets or resentment or grudges. There is just my smile. πŸ™‚

Author: carasmelody

daydreamer, hopelessly hopeful, I love the power of words, I love poems, words are soulfood

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