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Routine, I miss you

Since I have moved, a lot of things have changed. I accepted that and welcomed the change and was prepared to let go of parts of my life and embrace new ones.

Changes I anticipated
When moving, I let go of furniture willingly, sold some and gave some away; the same is true for kitchen stuff and various clutter that had amassed over the five years in my flat. Luckily, some friends, my parents and my sister and her boyfriend were happy to take some things I found hard to part with 🙂 Thus, I can e.g. visit my wooden bench on my parents’ terrace or eat from plates I liked at my sister’s place.

Since letting go of stuff and belongings was easy, I thought all was well. New flat, check. Unpacked boxes, check. New home with cats and boyfriend, check.

Changes that have caught me by surprise
Surprisingly, it seems I am currently suffering from lack of routine in my average days, and this is what I had not anticipated and what has been unbelievably hard to me lately.

This lack starts with me wondering where to put my phone at night so I still hear the alarm, but it does not lie next to my head. I also still do not know the order of my activities in the morning – but for the fact that 1.) “feed the cats“ is still true. This has not changed. 🙂
Furthermore, the bus timetable is completely unfamiliar to me in my new city- the other day I was actually wondering if I was standing at the right bus stop on the right side of the road!? Additionally, I’m only taking fast trains these days and have not yet gotten used to thinking this way, nor memorized the schedule.
In town, I do not yet know my favourite shops and do not know where to go to get my shoes repaired.
When at home, I have found myself wandering around the flat not able to decide what to do first. I used to meditate on my couch, but this living room just does not feel right, it is too open and I do not feel protected. And when I read a book or listen to music, I wanna see outside, but the large couch faces the wall.

routines are comforting
Why I am noticing these things? Firstly, because me, the person declaring to be open to changes, is currently annoyed by the lack of routine in her day-to-day life. I miss the security my old patterns gave me. Secondly, building new patterns takes energy, and so I sometimes feel really tired of consciously deciding issues that affect my daily routine, or trying out new things which do not feel right yet.

progress & challenges
However, I have not been standing still and made some progress. I have found a new hairdresser and like my new cut. I know the route to the train station by bike. I have noticed I like sitting on the armchair for my morning coffee, not on the big sofa. On Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays I have memorized the bus and train timetables. See, progress. 😉

Therefore, my challenge is to create new patterns that give me security and comfort and to open my mind to new rituals that bring me joy.
One I like very much already is kissing him good night on a daily basis. ❤

Author: carasmelody

daydreamer, hopelessly hopeful, I love the power of words, I love poems, words are soulfood

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