The list

Some days ago I stumbled upon a task meant to enhance our mindfulness.

Write a list of 50 people that brought value to your life. Be clear about why they were on the list.

At first I was kind of annoyed; how the hell was I to fill that list? And value, what kind of value is meant? I could tell you easily those that had had an impact on my life, but value?

I decided value was something positive and good and started my list. The “obvious“ ones were put on the list, my family and close friends. Yet sometimes it was hard to explain what exactly the good things about those people were – not because there weren’t any, but because their importance in my life was a natural one, to me. I learned quite a bit about my close relationships due to this task.

When the obvious ones had all been considered and affectionately written down, I examined people I knew, even sometimes met for coffee or something. Surprisingly, some did not meet my definition of value, and others I maybe had not seen forever, did and the wish to see them more came up in me. (Post-stayathome 😇😢) I think here I decluttered some, though it might seem an inappropriate word. At the same time I saw others more clearly, and it brings me joy to have them in my life.

More names needed to be found, still, yet once I got the ball rolling, it was easy if surprising in some cases. I put my former English teacher down; she was an inspiration to me to pursue this professional path. My grandmother went on it, not because we are blood-related, but because she evoked in me the love for books and stories (a trait I share with my mum) that is a huge part of joy in my life. Countless others I could appreciate now, many only in hindsight, for their value.

Finally the last name was written. I reread the list and felt rich. So many people brought, some are still today bringing, value to my life. It made me smile.

Last but not least, I gave myself a moment to think of those who had not made the list. Former lovers or friends with benefits, some former friends, colleagues from Germany, some blood relatives, some ex-partners… though I may have found it hard to let them go in the past, or maybe spent time hurting because of them, they did not make the list. I feel like I could finally cut some last ties to these different people, because this exercise made me look at my relationship to them from a different angle and see: there has never been any (or enough)value. So I let go. Halleluja.

P.S.: Shall express my appreciation to some on the list who I did not see as clearly before.🙂🙂🙂 and to others to make sure they know.