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The list

Some days ago I stumbled upon a task meant to enhance our mindfulness.

Write a list of 50 people that brought value to your life. Be clear about why they were on the list.

At first I was kind of annoyed; how the hell was I to fill that list? And value, what kind of value is meant? I could tell you easily those that had had an impact on my life, but value?

I decided value was something positive and good and started my list. The โ€œobviousโ€œ ones were put on the list, my family and close friends. Yet sometimes it was hard to explain what exactly the good things about those people were – not because there weren’t any, but because their importance in my life was a natural one, to me. I learned quite a bit about my close relationships due to this task.

When the obvious ones had all been considered and affectionately written down, I examined people I knew, even sometimes met for coffee or something. Surprisingly, some did not meet my definition of value, and others I maybe had not seen forever, did and the wish to see them more came up in me. (Post-stayathome ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜ข) I think here I decluttered some, though it might seem an inappropriate word. At the same time I saw others more clearly, and it brings me joy to have them in my life.

More names needed to be found, still, yet once I got the ball rolling, it was easy if surprising in some cases. I put my former English teacher down; she was an inspiration to me to pursue this professional path. My grandmother went on it, not because we are blood-related, but because she evoked in me the love for books and stories (a trait I share with my mum) that is a huge part of joy in my life. Countless others I could appreciate now, many only in hindsight, for their value.

Finally the last name was written. I reread the list and felt rich. So many people brought, some are still today bringing, value to my life. It made me smile.

Last but not least, I gave myself a moment to think of those who had not made the list. Former lovers or friends with benefits, some former friends, colleagues from Germany, some blood relatives, some ex-partners… though I may have found it hard to let them go in the past, or maybe spent time hurting because of them, they did not make the list. I feel like I could finally cut some last ties to these different people, because this exercise made me look at my relationship to them from a different angle and see: there has never been any (or enough)value. So I let go. Halleluja.

P.S.: Shall express my appreciation to some on the list who I did not see as clearly before.๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚ and to others to make sure they know.

Author: carasmelody

daydreamer, hopelessly hopeful, I love the power of words, I love poems, words are soulfood

2 thoughts on “The list”

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