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Usually I look back at the girl I once was and judge her. I see the choices she made, the steps she did not take, the mistakes she did make; I see her fall and hesitate, and struggle. I see she seems silly and lost and kind of confused, too. I see her hard times and I feel her stubbornness and her secret tears and wishes. And I shake my head sadly.

Lately, the way I see her has shifted, slowly at first, I have seen the girl I have been more clearly. Then there was a plop, the stormy clouds lifted all of a sudden, and there she was, and is.

Now I can see past her shadows. She has always sparkled. I see her energy, her loyalty. I see she gave her best, then, and is doing so now. She has learned and moved forward. She has kept her soft heart and gained independence. She has always seen the best in people, and does still – in the ones that she chooses to keep close. She has met the dreamy part of herself again that was never lost. She was looking for a place to be, to settle, and has found it in herself. She is radiant, happy and still at the same time. 

I can look back at the girl I once was now, with all her shadows and light, and have come to realize: there never was anything to forgive. I see her now with an open heart and warmth in my eyes, and wish I could go back in time and hug her.

And with a soft click and a sigh, some broken pieces come together inside me and I finally feel free and at peace. 

Author: carasmelody

daydreamer, hopelessly hopeful, I love the power of words, I love poems, words are soulfood

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